RETRO...written by Maurice

Now we have a dog. A houndish looking thing about 4 month old. We rescued it from the streets of Todos Santos. I don’t know if rescued is the right word, after all I’m sure all his ancestors were street dogs and most likely did just fine. Ok, so street dogs don’t eat all the time and when they do it’s just about every thing they can find - from fish carcasses, to rotten meat, bugs, dead or alive. Even dirty toilet paper, to them, tastes just fine. But freedom is wonderful and free they are. When they finally die it is not because of disease or starvation, they just get hit by a car and there they lie, on the side of the road their flesh ripening in the hot sun, food for flies, vulture and yes...other dogs. (NOTE FROM SHELBY....ICK!!!)

But Retro, yes that’s his name, probably had had enough of the street life and settled in with us and our way of life very nicely, thank you very much.

Food is plentiful and very tasty, drinking water is clean, there is a soft and cozy bed at night, lots of patting, ear and belly scratching...“that feels gooood”, there are lots of dog treats throughout the day, chewing sticks, and of course dog toys to play with...or NOT.

But what about us? Have we, Shelby and I, settled in into this new way of life? Sure Retro is cute, Retro can be funny at times, Retro is a joy to look at, but Retro can also be a “large” pain in the butt. Retro demands constant attention, Retro likes to nibble on you, sharp teeth and all, and Retro has even started humping your leg. Don’t know where he learned that. He is certainly too young to know the purpose of that motion and where that motion can land him into; for sure a place he won't find on my leg. He has been fixed, shouldn’t that, or so I thought, take the urge away? But...hump he does. He constantly gets into things he is not supposed to and by doing so he gets into lots of trouble, but trouble in a dog’s world must mean fun. Retro stop...Retro don’t do that...Retro don’t chew me...Retro down...Retro, are you out of your mind? Retro this, Retro that.

I know that when Retro is quietly lying, chewing on something he has found, he is probably destroying something that we really need; like the internet stick, the cell phone case, a pencil, the corner of the carpet, the handle on a bucket, a sock, a shoe, the computer cord, a garden hose, a book, my wallet, etc. etc.

Retro was given a nice and expensive rubber chewing toy. A green, boned shaped thing about 6 inches long. Certainly something every dog would like to have and chew on, especially an underprivileged street dog. Do you think he plays with the darn thing, or chews on it? Not a chance. He sniffed at it the first time we so proudly showed it to him. ”Retro look what we’ve got for you…” and that was that. Now he doesn’t even look at it. I even tried hanging it on a string, but that I think is a cat thing.

Retro has found, buried in a box in my workshop, a water sprayer nozzle, the kind that fits at the end of a garden hose. He dug it out, carried it right in front of us and started chewing on it. That he loves. Retro now spends hours chewing on that thing, gradually destroying it. I laugh and let him have it; the bugger does not know that it was a piece junk, made in Taiwan, that never worked anyway.

But the question remains: Why is the sprayer so much more interesting and appealing then the stupid bone? It just happens that the sprayer is colored green just like the bone, so we can’t blame the color for turning him off the bone. Who knows, you have got to be a dog to understand that one.

This makes me wonder about dog toys and that idiotic bone shape they usually come in. What does that shape mean to a dog anyway?...Oh, excuse me a minute: “ RETRO GET OFF THAT SCREEN”… Sorry about that... anyway, why dog’s toys do not work? Do dog toy’s designers even own a dog? What are the requirements in order to be hired as a dog's toy designer by a dog toy manufacturing company? I mean, do they go to school for it? Are there yearly conventions to go to? If so, I would like to attend one and show up with my water sprayer....”hey guys, take a look at this, this really works”.

Here is another one: Try to put, let say, a simple TV remote control on the coffee table, just within his reach. Within minutes all the pretty buttons will be scattered about the floor. The batteries will lyeing somewhere waiting for their turn, and your TV will be permanently stuck on those annoying infomercial-channels, probably one that’s selling you those stupid green dog bones.

Auuuuu….Wooff, Wooff,